The stay at home mom stigma.

I am angry. I am sad. I am ashamed at many women and their mindset today.

I'm ashamed because these women degrade the life and hopes and dreams of other women. What's worse is they do it in the name of "feminism".

I always had these crazy aspirations when I was a kid. I would go from Teacher, to Singer, to Pediatrician, to Radiologist, to Social Worker, and finally, back to teacher again. But there was also something else I really wanted more than anything else-to be a mom.

I have accomplished that, and while it is crazy, hectic, and exhausting, it is also amazing, rewarding, and filled with so much love and happiness. I wouldn't change it for the world. I get to see the small changes my daughter has day to day. I get to watch her as she grows and never miss a second. I am lucky enough to be married to a man who has a job that enables me to stay home with our daughter, and he wants that too.

For some reason, though, some women seem to think it's their right to judge mothers who stay home with their children. I understand it's not for everyone. Some people need time out of the house, more adult interaction, need to be bringing in income. I get it, and I certainly would never judge those women for that choice. Why, then, do they judge me for mine?

I've read everything from SAHM's are all lazy, never shower, never clean, spend all their "husband's" money, to all SAHM's have no ambition and we are to be pitied because we aren't doing "more" with our lives.

I'm sad for them, that that's how they view raising a child. In my mind, there's nothing trivial about it. My job, and yes, I said job, is incredibly important. The actions I take, the way I raise my daughter, the things I do with her every day shape who she will become. How is that unimportant?

Contrary to apparent popular belief, I, and most SAHM's that I know, do not sit on my fat butt all day eating "fried twinkies", watching TV, and neglecting my child. My daughter's only 5.5 months old, but I work my butt off every day. I spend 4 hours a day nursing her, and the rest of the time I am playing with her, changing her, holding her, reading to her, and trying to keep her happy. The rare moments that she allows me to set her down or takes a nap, I do a quick load of dishes, pick up the rooms, throw in some laundry, and get as much around the house done as I can. I cook the meals and I pick up after them. That's my job. I don't take my husband's money-this is a marriage, a partnership, and he understands that in order for me to be the one taking care of our child, that is my job. And he loves it. He has actually said "I would rather have my job than yours." He's not a super big fan of his job, so that's saying a lot.

A mother who stays at home because she wants to have that time with her child should never be bullied into feeling like she is a bane to society and her husband, is wasting her life, is lazy, or any of the other garbage I've seen spewed on the internet. It's hurtful, it's unnecessary, and it's wrong. I will admit even though I know it's just plain ignorance and women being catty and putting others down to make themselves feel better about themselves, I have read people's hurtful remarks about stay at home mom's and actually felt bad about that. And then I look at my beautiful daughter's face and feel ashamed that I ever let those stupid, stupid comments make me question my time with her.

I watch Keira roll over for the first time, see her as she catches me walking into a room with a huge smile lighting up her face, hear her adorable laugh, see the little personality she's developing and the child she's becoming more and more every day, and it amazes me. How could anyone make this seem like this job that I have doesn't deserve respect?

The whole point of feminism is the freedom of a woman's right to choose. Her choice; not your choice of what you think she should be doing. The beauty of it is if I want to stay home and clean poop and play patty cake and have dinner ready when the hubby comes home-I can! If you want to have a career and do it all-you can!

It's become acceptable to take women out of the molds they were forced into for so long by men, and force them into new molds? This time we can't blame the men. We're doing it to each other.

Well if that is how feminism works, I want no part of it. I'll be in the kitchen in my pj's, baking a pie with my baby on my hip.

And I'll be damn happy about it.

Hoisin Chicken over at the Messy Cook

I posted my first original recipe today over at my new blog. It was really good, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to miss out. :) My mind is brewing over some cupcakes that I am going to try, likely early next week-banana bread cupcakes filled with peanut butter ganache and topped with nutella frosting. Please tell me that doesn't sound AH-MAZING. And the banana bread cupcake part is super easy. Actually, all of it's going to be pretty easy even though it's all homemade. So go on over and follow there so I don't have to keep pimping it out on this blog ;)

New Blog-Food and Books=Awesome

Today I decided to make a new blog: The Messy Cook & Midnight Reader. It's all explained over there. It's pretty self explanatory, but it's going to be awesome recipes I've tried or created, and reviews on books I'm reading, be they good or bad. I thought it would be fun and maybe give me more inspiration to write. So go on over and follow me there, kthxbai. :)

Nine Loves

1. I love my lil miss Keira. She is getting so smiley and she loves to laugh at us when we tickle her belly, play the footsie game, or tickle her neck with smooches. She fills my days with happiness and I will take the shots of baby poo and getting puke in the mouth if I get those precious smiles at the end of the day.

2. I love my hubby. We have so much fun together and are our goofball, weirdo selves when we're around each other. He is the peanut butter to my jelly, the mac to my cheese, the cake to my fat girl. Plus he contributed to that pretty little girl up there so how bad can he be right?

3. I love my family. I can't wait to be closer to them again and for Keira to get to spend more time with them.
4. Okay so now that all of those cliche, obligatory loves are out the way let's get to the fun stuff. Just jokes ;) Anyway, I L.O.V.E fall. Like, I'm obsessed guys. When the pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks, I squeal. The thought of being able to comfortably wear a jacket outside puts a smile on my face. I jump up and down on the inside at the thought of going to a pumpkin patch, going on a hayride, and walking around in the crisp air. Loooooove. Fall.

5. I love to read. Ever since I was a kid I love getting to escape in a world that someone's imagination created. I have always gotten really attached to characters in books that I particularly love. I hope I can foster this love of reading in Keira, because it has always been something that brings me joy. I can't think of anything better than curling up in a cozy chair with some coffee in my hand and reading an amazing book.
6. I love to cook. I think more than anything, I like feeding people and knowing they liked what I created. I especially love baking. This love has gotten me into a bit of trouble around the waistline, if you know what I'm sayin'.

7. I love all things nerdy. Reading I've already gone over, but I really love going to Renaissance Fair's. I know it's so hokey and commercialized and not at ALL what the Renaissance was actually like, but I do not care. It's just fun. I like seeing all the crazy costumes, watching the shows, and walking around outside on no roads and feeling like I'm in a different time. Also, the turkey legs are pretty cool.
8. I love my Keurig. I'm telling you dude, if you love coffee, get you one of these babies. There are so many awesome flavors of Kcups (PUMPKIN SPICE!) and it is so. Easy. You just pop a k cup in, press a button, and bam, you have one single cup of coffee. They even have coffees meant to be brewed over ice, sweet iced tea, hot breakfast tea, hot chocolate, and my hubby's personal favorite, Apple Cider. I adore this thing. I swear I'm not getting anything from Keurig for this shameless plug, it is just a super cool product. (Although Keurig if you want to give me some free KCups, I will not object.)
9. Finally, I love home. I am from the most po dunk town in Kansas you could ever imagine. There is 1 stop light, a gas station, and everyone is seriously having a flipping cow that there's going to be a Pizza Hut built soon (can I say that I would also be freaking out if I still lived there, because come on..you can get pizza without having to drive a half hour. That is sweet). Everybody always talks about wanting to leave and get out of there. Well I have, to two very different parts of the country, and let me tell you, it's not that great out here. I miss home. I miss nice people that wave at you even if I have no clue who they are. I miss people that let you in when you need to merge on the highway instead of giving you the finger as they almost run you off the road. I miss the hillbilly's at Wal Mart that don't sass you. Say what you will, but there's no place like home.

10 Day You Challenge: 10 Secrets

I have seen this going around a few blogs, so...I don't exactly know who to credit this to. But it's a quick, easy, way to make a blog post that doesn't include thought (from me, anyway). Miss attached-to-my-hip, otherwise known as my daughter Keira, is consuming about 98% of my time right now. I'm perfectly fine with that :) But I thought I would explain anyhow...to the possibly 1 person who is reading this.

So anyway, today: Ten secrets. And these are ACTUALLY going to be secrets...like, total embarrassment, you can make fun of me for life, secrets...but isn't that what secrets are?

1. I used to be this really introverted, shy, never want to go anywhere type of girl (I'm talking when I was about 13) and I had online boyfriends. I know, I know...leave me alone.

2. I am totally hetero, but I think Kate Beckinsale is hot.

3. I have the grossest feet. I realize I'm not being super kind to myself but don't secrets about yourself usually suck? Anyway, they are gross. I sweat really easily, and I actually go walking and do housework so they aren't girly feet at all. Also they are really wide, and it's super hard for me to find a pair of shoes that don't leave my little toe blistered.

4. I am a hypochondriac of the biggest sort. Some people already know this, but it extends even further than most know. I would say on a daily basis there's some disease or super crappy thing I hear about/think of and convince myself I or someone I love has it. Okay maybe not EVERY day, but seriously. To give you an idea I had convinced myself we wouldn't be able to have babies because I thought I had PCOS. And thus, Keira was born :P

5. I am absolutely terrified of the dark. I am SUCH a baby and I have no idea where it came from. I used to watch the Exorcist and laugh when I was like 13. So I hate the fact that the hubs has a job where he leaves the house by 5AM when he's on days, OR is gone all night on mids. If I wake up in the middle of the night I will keep opening my eyes to make sure there are no ghosties. I know it's ridiculous...I'm not scared of real people. That would be too logical.

6. I am addicted to sweets, which I am currently trying to break that habit. I could probably eat a package of cookies in one sitting, by myself, and not bat an eye.

7. I am clingy, and I love that my husband has stuck with me and actually asked me to marry him knowing that. I was such a huge baby when he was gone at basic.

8. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough with my life. But then I dance around with Keira and see her big, happy smile and I know that she will only be little for so long. Everything else will still be there 5 years from now, but her childhood won't.

9. I'm a total nerd. I play computer games with my husband, I know what a golden snitch is, I've fangirled over Twilight and made a whole bath tub full of spaghetti to win an advanced copy of a book.

10. Okay, it is really hard to think of 10 secrets! I weigh a lot more than people tend to think. Working on it :P

Weight Loss: Take 34642342

Yep...I am at it again. Only this time I REALLY have my work cut out for me. There's this thing called having a baby and having a huge craving for chocolate and hashbrowns for 9 months that totally cramps my skinny style.

I'm 20 lbs over my pre pregnancy weight right now...and let's be honest, even then I was nowhere close to my goal weight. I'm short, so this goal weight is depressingly low.

This is what I looked like while Kyler was at basic.


Depressing, right? I was so skinny. And pretty. I don't often think I'm pretty, but I really felt it then. Looking at pictures from this time is really sad to me for now. Probably something to do with the stretchmarked, poochy thing I call a belly right now.

That picture was about 40 pounds ago. Pre-preggo was 20 pounds more than that, and to be honest I would love to be where I was then, even.

SO. I'm not making anymore sweets. I know, I know-this means I have to stay off of Foodgawker. Fail. :( But I saw somebody on facebook before say "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I don't even remember who it was, but I'm trying to remind myself of that. Indulgences every now and then, sure, but the bulk of my eating needs to be healthy from now on. It's not just about looks, but it's about how I feel, too. I want to have energy. I want to be able to run around and keep up with Keira when she's a toddler running all over the place. I want her to be proud when people see that I'm her mommy.

I have a huge Coke addition. By this I mean that I love Coca Cola, and not that I am a druggie. So for now I'm limiting myself to 1 Coke every other day. I need to start small on this so I don't turn into a bear...I would like to eventually limit myself to 1 Coke per week, and then maybe cut it out altogether if I can.

I also started exercising again today. I got BIG with Keira, and there towards the end when I walked up our stairs it was like I just ran a marathon. That on top of the c section and Keira's non stop feeding=lack of time, I haven't really had any sort of exercise in a good 6 months. I am seriously, very out of shape. I took a walk outside for 30 minutes and came home and did a 10 minute Pilates arm sculpting DVD. And I was dog tired. It was sorta pathetic. But it's a start.

I ordered the dvd's of the lady who has the "walk at home" program. Which I used to always laugh at and be like hur hur how do you need someone to teach you how to walk. Well walking is all I can do for now, Dr's orders, and it would be SO much more convenient to pop in a video and set Keira in her bassinet for awhile instead of always having to lug her into the stroller and listen to her scream bloody murder while I walk.

So anyway I know you aren't supposed to lose a ton of weight quickly while breastfeeding, and I also know you aren't supposed to "diet" as in have low calories. I will eat plenty to nourish Keira, rest assured. I'm just eating healthier-oatmeal, cereals, bagels, for breakfast, sandwiches, soups, salads for lunch, fruits, granola bars, and trail mixes for snacks, and sensible dinners. I would like to exercise about 4 days a week for now. My goal is to lose 8 pounds per month. My first short term goal is to lose 10 pounds...hopefully next month, I'll have accomplished that. My long term goal is to lose 60 pounds.

I have a ways to go, but I'm praying I can stay strong. I would love to look in the mirror and feel good about myself and know that I am healthy.

Here's to having a "here's what I look like now!" picture instead of a "here's what I used to look like".

Mil Spouse Fill In Returns

1. Have you (spouse) ever considered joining the military and what do you think of dual military couples? submitted by Project Army Wife
Hahahahahahahahahaha.

2. What is your idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon? submitted by A Few of My Favorite Things
With Kyler's schedule, we don't get the typical Sunday afternoon since he works every other weekend and is on nights half the time. BUT for answering the questions sake, I would say making an awesome dinner with the husband and maybe watching a movie, or walking around the mall. I like to get out of the house when Kyler's off.

3. What do you usually do for the 4th of July holiday? submitted by Anchor’s Away
If we were home, we would be going to my Grandparents for lunch of cook out burgers and dogs, deviled eggs, and watergate salad, then we would go to the fireworks show wherever they had it that year in Joplin, and then we would go back and shoot night fireworks. This year Kyler is on mids and has to sleep all day and work all evening so any plans we had for the 4th pretty much got shot. :( We're going to grill out steaks in the 2 hours that he is home, I'm going to eat Watermelon, and then probably spend the evening with baby girl watching movies.

4. If they could make an Olympic event JUST for you that you know you’d medal in, what would it be? submitted by Pants are Confusing
Being a hypochondriac and going on WebMD thinking I had the flu and closing the site thinking I had cancer. I would totally win 1st place at that event every time. :)

5. What have you been doing to get yourself bathing suit ready for the summer? submitted by Not Just an Army Wife
Again....hahahahahahaha. Right before summer I had a GINORMOUS belly from my chunky monkey, and now I just have that nasty baby pooch left behind so yeah. My body may never be bathing suit ready again.