Sunday, October 2, 2011

The stay at home mom stigma.

I am angry. I am sad. I am ashamed at many women and their mindset today.

I'm ashamed because these women degrade the life and hopes and dreams of other women. What's worse is they do it in the name of "feminism".

I always had these crazy aspirations when I was a kid. I would go from Teacher, to Singer, to Pediatrician, to Radiologist, to Social Worker, and finally, back to teacher again. But there was also something else I really wanted more than anything else-to be a mom.

I have accomplished that, and while it is crazy, hectic, and exhausting, it is also amazing, rewarding, and filled with so much love and happiness. I wouldn't change it for the world. I get to see the small changes my daughter has day to day. I get to watch her as she grows and never miss a second. I am lucky enough to be married to a man who has a job that enables me to stay home with our daughter, and he wants that too.

For some reason, though, some women seem to think it's their right to judge mothers who stay home with their children. I understand it's not for everyone. Some people need time out of the house, more adult interaction, need to be bringing in income. I get it, and I certainly would never judge those women for that choice. Why, then, do they judge me for mine?

I've read everything from SAHM's are all lazy, never shower, never clean, spend all their "husband's" money, to all SAHM's have no ambition and we are to be pitied because we aren't doing "more" with our lives.

I'm sad for them, that that's how they view raising a child. In my mind, there's nothing trivial about it. My job, and yes, I said job, is incredibly important. The actions I take, the way I raise my daughter, the things I do with her every day shape who she will become. How is that unimportant?

Contrary to apparent popular belief, I, and most SAHM's that I know, do not sit on my fat butt all day eating "fried twinkies", watching TV, and neglecting my child. My daughter's only 5.5 months old, but I work my butt off every day. I spend 4 hours a day nursing her, and the rest of the time I am playing with her, changing her, holding her, reading to her, and trying to keep her happy. The rare moments that she allows me to set her down or takes a nap, I do a quick load of dishes, pick up the rooms, throw in some laundry, and get as much around the house done as I can. I cook the meals and I pick up after them. That's my job. I don't take my husband's money-this is a marriage, a partnership, and he understands that in order for me to be the one taking care of our child, that is my job. And he loves it. He has actually said "I would rather have my job than yours." He's not a super big fan of his job, so that's saying a lot.

A mother who stays at home because she wants to have that time with her child should never be bullied into feeling like she is a bane to society and her husband, is wasting her life, is lazy, or any of the other garbage I've seen spewed on the internet. It's hurtful, it's unnecessary, and it's wrong. I will admit even though I know it's just plain ignorance and women being catty and putting others down to make themselves feel better about themselves, I have read people's hurtful remarks about stay at home mom's and actually felt bad about that. And then I look at my beautiful daughter's face and feel ashamed that I ever let those stupid, stupid comments make me question my time with her.

I watch Keira roll over for the first time, see her as she catches me walking into a room with a huge smile lighting up her face, hear her adorable laugh, see the little personality she's developing and the child she's becoming more and more every day, and it amazes me. How could anyone make this seem like this job that I have doesn't deserve respect?

The whole point of feminism is the freedom of a woman's right to choose. Her choice; not your choice of what you think she should be doing. The beauty of it is if I want to stay home and clean poop and play patty cake and have dinner ready when the hubby comes home-I can! If you want to have a career and do it all-you can!

It's become acceptable to take women out of the molds they were forced into for so long by men, and force them into new molds? This time we can't blame the men. We're doing it to each other.

Well if that is how feminism works, I want no part of it. I'll be in the kitchen in my pj's, baking a pie with my baby on my hip.

And I'll be damn happy about it.


  1. It really bothers me when people judge SAHMs. That is my dream to be a SAHM and it's a shame that people look down on it. I actually got told I needed to be on medication recently, partly because this person didn't see my dream of becoming a SAHM to be worthy. It's really upsetting.

  2. Amanda I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!

    I refuse to be a part of today's feminist movement because it is no longer about woman's choice, but more about being "better" then man.

    That was never the original intent, it was to make sure we were equal.

    As for staying at home, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love being able to stay home with my kids. *I* get to see my kids learn and grow instead of a daycare worker.